It would seem that the Ministry of Agriculture, or Northambleton Social Services, or the RSPCA, or Joanna Lumley or someone have decided that since Sarah left, we are no longer capable of managing the Invocal Farm ourselves.
The long and short of it is, dear diary, they have sent in a nice lady to look after us.
Her name is Marieke and I don’t mind telling you, that whilst I am without a doubt quite literally the very least racist person that has ever been born, I have every reason to believe she may be foreign.
Despite this shortfalling, she seems to be taking care of us very well – is booking us lots of concerts, organsing photo shoots, making sure the ponies don’t try to swim away again.
I saw Sarah yesterday. I am glad she mainly stays out of trouble now she is a Mum.
Mind you, whilst I do believe in compassion dear diary, I do find it remarkable that she was let off from all those charges “because her baby is just so cute”.
I sometimes wonder if Northambleton Crown Prosecution Service receives any kind of regulation from central government at all.
Remember when Rachel went through that phase of stealing cars and and she was sentenced to ten pressups and a starjump? Peculiar.
I suppose I wouldn’t be quite so questioning and cynical about The System had I not left the Invocal tractor in the village hall carpark overnight last year. I do accept it WAS forbidden, and I do accept I SHOULDN’t have done it, but my rationale was better to leave the tractor where it is than try to drive it whilst on smack ANYWAY, I can’t help but feel that 6 months in prison was a bit harsh.
And so explains my neglecting you, dear diary. I’ve been in prison where they don’t have pens, or keyboards, or um yeh.
BUT fortune moves in mysterious ways dear diary, whilst in jail I met two perfectly lovely inmates called Bee and Debbie. Debbie was in for making a mixtape off the radio, and Bee was in for murder. We got on like a house on fire.
We whiled away the lonely days singing songs about gays and being mental when suddenly it dawned on us – they should both DEFINITELY move in with us and join Invocal AS SOON AS WE WERE RELEASED!! Oh how we all cheered and laughed and hugged when we all unanimously decided that that should definitely happen. Well actually they just sort of just looked sideways and downwards a bit but I knew they were happy. That’s what criminals do when they are really ecstatically happy. And normal people too actually.
Anyway I must go and check on Rachel and Helen. They have a new enterprise called ‘Chicken Tricks’. I don’t know what it is but the chickens don’t look happy at all.